Ethan Webb
Service Article
The Boston Burger-Meister-Meister-Burger Says
(2017 Edition)
Not listed in a particular order…
1) Mr. Bartley’s Burger Cottage
Price: •••••
Service: •••
Quality: ••••
Address: Harvard University, 1246 Massachusetts Ave, Cambridge, MA, 02138
Phone #: (617) 354-6559
Website: http://www.mrbartley.com/
Hours:
• Tuesday-Saturday: 11:00 am - 9:00 pm
• Closed Sunday's & Monday's
The first on the list is a long running family business. Mr. Bartley’s Burger Cottage, located in Harvard Square, is a hole in the wall that everybody should find out about. It’s a tiny and noisy place that won’t let you down. You’ve got to squeeze into bendy, dark-green, plastic garden chairs in between strangers to be served on little square tables. I don’t recommend leaning back on these chairs too much, even if you have enough space behind you to, because these chairs can break. You don’t want to break these chairs. Although they make look like they cost a few bucks they are, in reality, quite priceless; above a good deal of these chairs hang confounding make-shift signs that claim which celebrities have sat in them: Johnny Cash, Bob Dylan, Al Pacino, etc. The place, as I said, is tiny: you may have to wait for a line on rare occasion if there are more then 30 customers. Don’t pout: the line shouldn’t take too long; the burgers that are being cooked up inside are well worth any wait. Once you get inside, and sit in one of the flimsy chairs, the tacky posters and funny phrases which surround you will keep you entertained until the menu comes. The menu itself is pretty wacky: it is composed of a large list of burgers with recipes that make you hungry while their titles make you laugh: would you prefer the Mike Pence burger (“way right & way wrong” with bacon, american cheese, grilled onions, jalepenos, and fries) or would you prefer the Viagra burger (“rise to the occasion” with blue cheese dressing, bacon, lettuce, tomato, and fries)? Regardless of whatever goofy burger you choose to indulge yourself with – which I am confident will be one of the best burgers you’ll ever sink your teeth into – please make sure that you accompany it with one of their world-class milkshakes for the full Mr. Bartley’s experience!
2) The Gallows
Price: •••••
Service: •••••
Quality: •••••
Address: 1395 Washington St, Boston, MA 02118
Phone #: (617) 425-0200
Website: https://www.thegallowsboston.com/
Hours:
• Monday – Wednesday: 4-11pm
• Thursday: 12pm – 12am
• Friday: 12pm – 1am
• Saturday: 11am – 1pm
• Sunday: 11am – 11pm
Located across from the Cathedral of the Holy Cross, The Gallows is a quiet place where you can find a phenomenal burger. The interior décor is wooden, American, and old fashioned – except for the kitten wallpaper that decorates the men’s restroom – and usually the lighting is dimmed comfortably. It’s about the same size as Mr. Bartley’s, perhaps a bit bigger, albeit a much more refined burger joint: it is fancy, classy, formal; it is not a restaurant where you’d go to grab a quick or cheap bite to eat (no need to stress out about dressing up too nicely just to go, though). Whereas at Mr. Bartley’s you are seated at public tables, only there for a brief in-and-out, and can’t speak too privately if you’re with company, at The Gallows you can sit in booth seats, talk over martinis, and share each other’s company more intimately. While they don’t have milkshakes that compare to Mr. Bartley’s milkshakes, The Gallows will serve you some fries with your burger that are to-die-for. This hidden gem serves other things on their menu as well of course, in addition to burgers and fries, but burgers and fries are all I’ve ever come back for. They’ve never even asked me once how I’d like my beef cooked; they simply know the art of making a damn good burger. It may be wise to make a reservation, if this is the joint for you, seeing as they are only open during odd hours and you might end up waiting in line on rare occasion.
3) Back Bay Social Club
Price: •••••
Service: •••••
Quality: ••••
Address: 867 Boylston St, Boston, MA 02199
Phone #: (617) 247-3200
Website: http://www.backbaysocialclub.com/
Hours:
• Monday – Friday: 11:30am – 2am
• Saturday & Sunday: 11am – 2am
This joint is the largest on the list: it isn’t a hole in the wall; eating here isn’t nearly as claustrophobic as eating at Mr. Bartley’s. The burger here is juicy, fat, and delightful – all of the qualities of a good burger (which it totally is) – but I can’t say that it tastes otherworldly; it lacks a certain je ne sais quoi. This joint is mostly ideal because of its large bar: it’s a low-profile place to get a few beers, maybe one of their renowned cocktails, and enjoy a first-class burger with some friends. I can guarantee that you won’t be disappointed by the quality of the food or drink but you might be worried about emptying your pockets if you’re short on money. If you and your friends have some money and are looking to hit a classy bar and have a worthy burger while your at it, but don’t want be crowded by a bunch of drunk or rowdy Bostonians who drown out your speaking voices, then Back Bay Social Club is a worthy place to discover.
4) jm Curly
Price: ••••
Service: •••••
Quality: •••••
Address: 21 Temple Pl, Boston, MA 02111
Phone #: (617) 338-5333
Website: http://jmcurleyboston.com/
Hours:
• Monday – Saturday: 11:30am – 1:30am
• Sunday: 11:30am – 12am
This little pub-like restaurant is located, in obscurity, near downtown crossing. Find it by looking for the store-sign that’s shaped like a black top hat. While their mac-and-cheese is better than any I’ve ever had in my life it is their burgers that beckon me back time and time again. Their burgers are cheesy, thick, single-patty delights that’ll leave you sucking your fingers and licking your plate. This favorite of mine belongs on this list also because it serves as the perfect medium between all of the burger joints I’ve featured thus far: it’s got a small but extensive bar, with a mix of public and private seating, and great burgers. No reservation required here: I’ve never seen a ridiculous line and although they’ve only got a few tables they are almost always available to serve you, your eager taste buds, and your buddies. It isn’t cheap, but it isn’t going to break your pocket as much as Back Bay Social Club, and the bar component makes it another prime location for a social outing. Make sure you read their chalkboard for a good laugh.
5) Wheelhouse Boston
Price: ••
Service: •••
Quality: ••••
Address: 63 Broad St, Boston, MA 02109
Phone #: (617) 422-0082
Website: http://www.wheelhouseboston.com/
Hours:
• Monday – Friday: 7am – 3pm
• Saturday & Sunday: Closed
Wheelhouse Boston is the place you’d want to go in order to get a cheap yet amazing burger. Any of their burgers here are only half the price of a burger from Mr. Bartley’s, The Gallows, Back Bay Social Club, or jm Curly’s. I can promise you, though, that for a $7 burger you will be getting a bang for your buck at Wheelhouse Boston. Their burgers vaguely remind me of the Five Guys burger-chain, in size and style, but when it comes down to the taste of the burgers the two restaurants are not even comparable: if Wheelhouse Boston is an 9, on a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being good and 1 being bad), then Five Guys is a 4. Wheelhouse Boston, much like The Gallows, knows the art of making a burger well done: they will not ask you how you would like your beef cooked. There isn’t really any seating though: you’ve got to sit on uncomfortable stools, under small and uneven counters that look like planks of wood that are sticking out of the walls, or just get a share of this treasure as take-out.